April 21
I am going to go ahead and file this in the “Things that
will never fly in the US” folder. It all started with an email…
Groupon, one of my favorite pastimes, was offering to “Get kneady with a 60
minute full body hot stone or classic massage at B&K Lifestyle Spa. Facing out on to the sumptuous streets
of Westminster, and featuring shelves stacked with DECLÉOR products inside, the
luxurious B&K Lifestyle Spa puts pampering on the map. Between the rosy
reaches of the Regent's and Hyde Parks, the salon's esteemed beauty therapists
are multi-lingual, with staff speaking several Euopean languages, and they work
alongside adventurous hair stylists, creative nail artists, and merciful
waxers.”
Perhaps because of my
love for the fabulous pun, I clicked buy, no research required. When I called
to book, the only Saturday appointment they had was two months out so I figured
it had to be good! Right? Wrong. Oh so very wrong.
Fast-forward to
today. After consulting my trusty google maps I decided it was quicker for me
to run there than to take public transport. Calling to ensure they had shower
facilities available I spoke with the first of my Swedish accented women. Multi-lingual
European staff, CHECK! Assuring me they did have showers, I strapped on my
backpack and was on my merry way.
I got there and I was
faced with two doors. Both labeled #104. Door number one had the B&K Spa
sign, door number two was open, and seemed to enter into a long hallway. What
was behind door number one? Not much! Expecting it to open up to a large
spa-like atmosphere with zen music and aromatherapy candles burning, I found
myself in a 5x20 sad excuse for a hair salon. Skirting around the lone hair
styling chair I cleared my throat to get the hair washers attention. She asked
if I had an appointment, I said yes, she had have a seat. After a quick 360, I
saw my options were: vacant chair behind the desk, hair salon chair which was
clearly to be used when the hair washer was done, manicurist chair, or back outside
on the stoop of the sumptuous streets of Westminster. Mimicking a nail
technician, I took my place in her swivel stool.
Five minutes later,
when it became clear the hair washer was running somewhat of a one-man show I
asked where I could find the showers. With a perplexed look she remarked in her
Swedish accent, “Usually people shower after their massages…”
I tried to explain to
her that I had just run there, was sweaty, would rather not subject the
masseuse to my sweatiness, etc. and she said hold on 1 minute. Reappearing, she
said fine, I could use the shower and took me out into the hall (what was
behind Door #2) and directed me down the flight of stairs, and said to go to
the end of the hall and look for the woman with the red hair. Finding her in
what was a kitchen with a bathroom off it, it became clear they were running
this “Spa” out of the comfort of their own home. If you don’t believe me,
please see for yourself:
 |
| Shower "Facility" |
 |
| Clothes drying. No big deal. |
 |
| Washing Machine - ON |
Embracing the ridiculous
situation, I was warned that “someone else was using the shower gel,” but still
for some reason, I took the “fresh towel” the British
Warrior Queen Boudicca handed me, straight from the dryer (could have gotten it myself!), and hopped right in.
It didn’t take long to figure out why they hadn’t wanted me to shower at the
moment. Since the washing machine was also in the bathroom, I saw so clearly it
was on, therefore…no hot water. Gave myself a nice freezing cold rinse and got
the hell out of that basement communal shower “facility.”
Resuming my position as manicurist
upstairs I waited to be called. Luckily it was all uphill from there and I was
taken to a proper massage room with a legit massage bed and masseuse.
Through this whole ordeal though, I couldn’t help but be
reminded of the time Cyndi and I were in Manhattan to see a show and found
ourselves face to face with a solicitor who managed to sell us a coupon for a
list of beauty services including a haircut and blowout, color, waxing,
massage, makeup application, and manicure/pedicure. We of course bought it for
something like $100, went over to the salon, and found out we could only use 1
service per visit. The $20 return LIRR tickets made this “deal” impossible to
be profitable for us. Accepting defeat we got our haircut and blown out and
made our way over to see, ironically enough, Legally Blonde.
Well played B&K Lifestyle Spa, well played, you
got me! Not that it was a great feat. Great little homegrown, home-run scam of
a spa. Just look at the
website!
They would have fooled you too. Next time I will read the reviews before I go
hastily clicking the buy button.
English word of the day: Nutter = crazy person. As in, I
must be a nutter to purchase a deal I didn’t seriously research. Lesson
learned! No harm, no foul.
No comments:
Post a Comment