Happy 4th of July!

Being the token American of the group, I walked into my office on Wednesday morning (yes, I had to work while you were off enjoying your BBQs and games of corn hole), and had completely forgotten it was cause for celebration. Upon turning the corner though, I stumbled on this very sweet desk transformation…

Blueberry muffins, American flags, NY bagels and cream cheese, the Statue of Liberty and pretzels. America in a nutshell.

Although my colleagues were keen on making sure I felt at home in the old mother country, it was strange to me that so many other Brits had no idea it was even a holiday! I was bracing myself for a bit of hostility on the day of our secession but no, people were unphased and, for the most part, uninformed.

The biggest letdown (other than having to go to work) was that there were no fireworks to be had. I was supposed to make it to Camden for a Nathan’s Coney Island inspired Hot Dog Eating Contest, because how much more American can you get, but never quite made it past the bar across the street from work (basically our version of the bar from Ally McBeal).

They may have tried to compensate for the dearth of fireworks with the next day’s unveiling of the Shard, which we happened to stumble upon after leaving an event at the Tate Modern. Emptying out river-side after copious amount of free drinks and food which hardly passed as a canapé, we noticed all of London lined up along the bridges spanning the Thames. Thinking, okay maybe the Brits celebrate the day after the 4^th, a good riddance type thing, this might just be our shot at some real American patriotic fireworks, so we tried to fold ourselves into the crowds. After standing there for about 15minutes with no action to be had (mind you it was well past 11pm so we figured if something was going to happen it would be happening in not too distant future – no one appreciates the post-midnight firework) we decided to ask a nearby photographer what was going on, and why these thousands and thousands of people were still standing here in anticipation. He simply said, this is it. We were so confused! What was it?? We meandered our way down the river toward our tube stop and asked another unsuspecting group. They said, they were embarrassed to say, they too thought this was it, and pointed to the newly completed Shard, now the tallest building in Europe. (59^th tallest in the world)

The unveiling of the Shard was supposed to be a fantastic and spectacular occasion, and all I saw were 5 little green laser beams shooting out from its innards. With people honestly crowded on every crevice of the river’s edge and bridges, it was somewhat of an embarrassment to the pomp and circumstance the English claim to have. Some even called this “little more than a damp squib.” Whatever that means, I agree. I’ve seen way better damp squib in my lifetime than this sorry excuse for a lightshow. Let’s just keep our fingers crossed this was no indication of what the Opening Ceremonies will hold in store…

Happy 4^th America! I hope you made us ex-pats proud with your rebellious nature and ever-lacking modesty.

English word of the day: Carnage = straight up, disaster. Usually used in reference to nights of binge drinking. My 4^th of July was straight up carnage. I was a mash-up. (will explain that one later)

Hidden door, Hidden door on the wall...how do I get in?

So it only took me 1 month, but I have now finally mastered the office bathroom stalls. I know you have come to expect my obliviousness, but this took it to a whole other level. Let’s begin with directions I received day one to meet my colleague “on the men’s bathroom side of the floor.” Easy enough you would think. And yes I would agree, if all the bathroom doors weren’t made out of the same material/finishing to blend in with the walls! The only thing that gave it away, after I saw a few men come and go, was a tiny, little, 2inch plaque at the top right corner of the “door” with the symbol for men etched out. How was I supposed to see that!!

AND the inconspicuousness gets worse! Once I found the women’s hidden bathroom equivalent, I opened the door to…more hidden doors! I mean really, what are these people trying to hide in the loo! Walking down the long line of doors, all trying their best to blend in with each other, I would pull one handle after another, not knowing how you could possibly know which one’s are vacant or and which are occupied. I remember thinking, what do these Brits have x-ray vision or some sort of sixth sense that tells them their mates are previously engaged?? Until one day it hit me…

Notice the lacking indication of occupation on the doors here:

Just looks like a handle.

Now, look a little closer…

Still nothing?

Try a little bit closer….

Now you see it?! That tiny pin-sized red indicator means occupied! Now I can successfully go to the bathroom without pissing off  (pun intended) all my colleagues by startling their quiet time in the stalls, pulling on every door as I pass it until I find one that is open!

English word of the day: Bap = a sandwich roll! More specifically, in my example, a breakfast sandwich made on these delicious half ciabatta/half English muffin type rolls. I’m bringing sausage, egg, and cheese baps to America. You can thank me later.